America, Land of Robot Willies

Last night the neighbors invited me to a campfire in the garden.

“America is awesome!” the ten-year-old neighbor boy told me. And why was that? “Because there’s guns and money.” 

No Guns? No Money? Must not be America. (It's actually the back garden here in Devon.)

No Guns? No Money? Must not be America. (It’s actually the back garden here in Devon.)

Did everyone just walk around with a big gun cha-ching? Did all the grannies have tasers in their handbags? He and his friends wanted to know. I attempted to expand the boys’ knowledge of America by showing them how to make s’mores, using British marshmallows (no corn syrup! real gelatin! half-sized!), Cadbury’s chocolate, and digestive biscuits. 

“But why are guns so awesome?” pressed an adult.

“Guns and money — that’s everything you need.”

“What about love and food?” I asked.

“It’s kind of the same thing,” said one of the adults, and a lightbulb clicked on for those boys. 

“Guns are like robot willies!” 

Then they wanted to stick a sparkler into a can of petrol.

“Do you believe in God?” one of them asked me, before they ran off to watch Planet of the Apes.

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One thought on “America, Land of Robot Willies

  1. What is a “robot willie”? Hope you’re having a great time. Squinchy is having fun. We went up Silver peak from the PCT side yesterday and he was very polite to everyone we met on the trail. XOXO

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