Best New Ideas for 2014

It’s 2014, folks, which until recently was the future. To make the most of that, here are some innovative ideas for the new year.

Addiction Stores: Like a mini-mart but more so, these stores would sell everything addictive. Sugar, booze, tobacco, video games, porn, buffalo chicken wings, quilting fabric…. Credit goes to Nate for this one. It might not make the world a better place, but it sure would be efficient.

Dog and Owner Yoga: They have yoga for babies, why not for dogs? That way, people wouldn’t have to choose between yoga and walking their dog. Oh no — Google tells me this actually exists. Should I be happy or worried?

Six Pack Keyboards: Keyboards that work your abs. Gently. So you don’t really notice. I’m serious about this one.